The Bible says: For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. ~ 1 Cor 1:18
The Bible says: For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. ~ 1 Cor 1:18
Study after study shows that over 50% of the Millennial generation would like to have a mentor that spans both their private life and their public work realm. Yet, in the workplace, I find that most organizations do not have a mentoring program and if they do, it is not thriving. What is going on?
There are many reasons to make the case for mentoring, including:
These are just the tip of the iceberg. In HR, the case for mentoring shows low employee turnover, increased motivation, increased employee satisfaction, lower conflict and even lower number of sick days taken. There are countless benefits to the morale and psyche of the employee.
Even in churches, the idea of discipline and helping someone grow spiritually has finally taken root. I believe that people are taking mentoring more seriously, especially with the increasing number of baby boomers who wish to impart some of their amazing knowledge to help others grow.
In the old days, apprenticeship used to be the way to pass on tricks of the trade and teach a young person how to take over the business. People used to groom the next generation for decades and bring them along in the ways of the world. Today, that idea has gone by the wayside for most occupations. It still exists in some areas, namely medicine, the arts, and technical jobs, but it is more of the exception than the rule. Men, for some reason seem to take mentoring in stride, allowing succession planning to take place. They also are open with networking and making business connections.
In my 20+ years of working in business, I have not found that to be the case for women. Women for some reason seem to have a harder time sharing their contacts and information. They find other women to be more of a challenge to their authority and thus will not take another under their wing. I don’t find many senior level women welcoming younger women to an open exchange of ideas. Not all women are averse to this, mind you, but again this has not been my own experience.
On the contrary, I find that men are more willing to share ideas, give you advice and support and help you make connections – even as a woman.
I don’t think all the reasons for the failed woman to woman connection are sinister. I think they are a reflection of what is going on in the workforce and that they may not even be aware of the circumstances. In my last blog, I mentioned that women make up almost 50% of the workforce today, but that less than 10% are in the Executive level of organizations. That is one of the biggest reasons why I haven’t found many women mentoring. Many of them aren’t even in higher positions. Typically, you will find men there and thus, men are more readily accessible than women.
Another reason may be due to added duties in traditional women’s roles: workplace role, wife, mother, care provider, single bread-winner, etc. When there are home duties that are not shared with anyone else, it can become a massive burden for a woman to take on yet another role as mentor. This is supported by a study done by DDI in 2014 that found over 65% of women never had a mentor and a whopping 75% said they would not mentor due to lack of time due to family obligations.
So, what can YOU do?
If you are a woman reading this article, I encourage you to join our Community of Christian Women‘s Group in OKC. It is a group that is getting ready to launch a mentoring program in the Fall of 2018. If you don’t want to join a group, think about the work relationships you have and see if there is someone who might be interested in a mentor. You could also take the first step and ask someone you admire to be your mentor – it’s a sweet compliment and a great way to establish a positive relationship – even if she doesn’t have time to be your mentor.
Steps to take :
1. Meet monthly! It doesn’t have to be a weekly thing
2. Meet during the workday. If you have time to go have a cup of coffee… You have time to be mentored or be a mentor to someone
3. Start small – you don’t have to join a big formal program with a workbook. Just meet, talk & get to know one another first
4. Join a group that supports and recognizes the value of mentoring (like CCBW for women and CBMC for men).
5. Ask me if you don’t know where to start in your organization! I’d love to help!
The bottom line is to start somewhere – start in at your workplace, start in your neighborhood, start in your church group… GO and reach out to someone. You will be blessed far greater than you think and you will find that all those reasons against being a mentor to someone else will melt away.
Today is International Women’s Day was established in the early 1900’s to raise awareness of Women’s rights and issues around the world. With the technology we have today, it is much easier to address and raise that awareness. However, things still do not remain equal when it comes to gender bias, especially in the workplace.
Here are some statistics about women in the workplace that you may not know:
Now for a little bit better news (kind of):
There’s still a lot of work to do and each one of us can step in to help another woman. Mentoring, supporting, encouraging women should be a duty for all of us! We can start easily:
STOP complaining about it. START DOING!
I wrote about my dad and the lessons of love I learned from him when growing up in a post titled “My Dad’s Chair.” During the Women’s History Month, I would like to honor my mom and the strong woman she has always been. She was born into a family of five children with an very progressive father who believed in the value of education. This was shocking for the time (1950’s) in Pakistan -a small, third-world Muslim country that had only recently gained its independence from India.
Yet, my mom defied tradition by asking her parents not to have an arranged marriage because she wanted to go to college to become a Medical Doctor. To the sheer amazement of the community, my grandparents agreed that she should proceed with her goals. She was one a small handful of women in Medical School, with hundreds of men who did not share my grandparents’ opinions. Being a quiet, petite woman (barely 5’3″, weighing less than 100 lbs), she wasn’t exactly able to physically challenge anyone. Being a brilliant young woman with a sharp mind, she was a daunting force to be reckoned with. She and her tiny group of vigilante women banded together to study and achieve top marks in the class – exam after exam. This did not improve their popularity. Instead, it caused even more rancor within the male population of the town.
Growing up, I didn’t hear my grandfather talk too often, so when he spoke – we all listened! He had a favorite story he liked to tell of the village elders coming to see him one evening about taking his daughter out of medical college. He didn’t hold much sway with the townspeople, but as the only pharmacist in town, he did have some control. He told them that if they wanted their medications, they needed to leave him and his daughter alone. To add the proverbial insult to injury, he decided to teach his daughter to drive a car. This did not make either one of them popular but somehow they all left them alone.
Against all odds, my mother and her friends graduated from Medical School and went on to practice medicine successfully for decades. This lesson from my mom has taught me several things:
Don’t let the world tell you what you can and cannot do!
Teach your daughters and the next generation that God created them as equals, along with a beautiful mind that should be used.
Don’t be a victim… she would have had hundreds of reasons to be a victim of the circumstances around her: other students, the Dean of the College, the community and even the culture and nation. She chose instead to focus on what she COULD do and that was to rise above the voices that told her “no!”
Finish what you started. She still shares bits and pieces of her story of one obstacle after another. She also told me “Let your accomplishments speak for themselves.” She persisted. She took exam after exam and didn’t falter. At the end, she gained the respect of all her classmates, her professors, the Dean, and yes, the entire community that watched and learned.
What a legacy to leave for her daughters and what a legacy to leave the young girls in her town who watched this reserved young woman walk across the stage at graduation, while all stood for applause!
Mom… if you ever read this, I pray that you know how much I love you and how much you have taught me about perseverance.
I wanted to shine the light on WOMEN all over the world as we celebrate contributions, discuss women’s issues (gender disparity, education, etc), and of course, discuss Diversity & Inclusion. My challenge to all my sisters out there is to go out there and SERVE another!
Some say that we should not have one month to focus on women’s rights and issues, but that it should be a focus 365 days. I agree – however, I think it’s good to have at least some time to highlight and bring special awareness. It is my hope that this month will give you a chance to explore ministries or choose an area for advocacy… not just to “talk about it,” but to actually DO something!
By the way, International Women’s Day is March 8 – being an “International Woman,” I have a special highlight article for that day!
You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Matthew 5:14
FASHION or OPPRESSION?
On February 1, 2018 Macy’s announced a major decision to sell a fashionable line of Women’s Hijab. This line called the “Verona Collection” debuted a few days ago in stores and online. The news is being heralded as “groundbreaking” and as a “landmark” decision. The announcement comes on the heels of the Nike Hijab selling out like hotcakes.
For a former Muslim woman, I don’t get it… I don’t understand the hype and I don’t understand the desire to wear a man-made restriction on my head. As a Muslim who lived in the United States, I never wore a hijab nor was I ever made to wear one. I was the child of very educated, progressive mother who saw great oppression from the strict Islamic clerics while working in Saudi Arabia as a physician. She experienced first-hand what it was like to be pushed down when she was going to Medical School in the 60’s in Pakistan as well.
When we moved to the US, my mother literally breathed a sigh of freedom. Both of my parents allowed us to have many blessings that come from living here, including being raised with education, being outspoken and as strong women. When we would see another Muslim woman in a hijab, we would all wonder (sometimes out loud) why she was wearing one here where the rules of society did not mandate it?
Therein lies the conundrum. For centuries, women have been forced to take the veil in Muslim countries – not all, but many. Today, younger women are fighting more for a visible ethnic identity than anything else. Diversity is wonderful and it brings out a rich expression in our country, however it is my belief that Muslim women in America are CHOOSING to be set apart for their religious beliefs. Instead of Inclusion, it is a call for Exclusion by the Muslim community. Many Muslim women I have talked to see it as showing the half-naked women in the West that they are more pious, modest, and they belong to a special class of private women.
Some American Muslim women have gone as far to say that this is an overt way they show their freedom to choose how they wish to express themselves, while in Tehran only a few weeks ago, 29 women were arrested for taking off their hijab as a protest for not having any freedom or rights — this is nothing new. Over 100,000 were arrested in Iran in 1978 during a similar protest!
So… which one is it?
Is it a symbol of oppression or is it a symbol of ethnic identity?
Macy’s happens to think it is a symbol of fashion and a way to make money.
16but whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 18But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.
Last week, I got to host the 5th & 6th grade girls Bible Study group for an Afternoon Tea at our home. Several of the mothers were not quite sure of what was going to happen at this gathering. When I mentioned that I was serving hot tea out of my china cups, I was met with skepticism and rightly so! Eleven & twelve year old girls handling china with bubbling hot liquids… was I sure about that?
The verse for the day was Hebrews 13:2, which my daughter had chosen a few months ago for the tea party fellowship.
Hebrews 13:2~ Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.
It is difficult to fully understand what that verse is talking about unless you know that it refers to Abraham in Genesis! So, we had to read the following passage:
Genesis 18 ~ 1Now the LORD appeared to him by the oaks of Mamre, while he was sitting at the tent door in the heat of the day. 2When he lifted up his eyes and looked, behold, three men were standing opposite him; and when he saw them, he ran from the tent door to meet them and bowed himself to the earth, 3and said, “My Lord, if now I have found favor in Your sight, please do not pass Your servant by. 4“Please let a little water be brought and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree; 5and I will bring a piece of bread, that you may refresh yourselves; after that you may go on, since you have visited your servant.” And they said, “So do, as you have said.” 6So Abraham hurried into the tent to Sarah, and said, “Quickly, prepare three measures of fine flour, knead it and make bread cakes.” 7Abraham also ran to the herd, and took a tender and choice calf and gave it to the servant, and he hurried to prepare it. 8He took curds and milk and the calf which he had prepared, and placed it before them; and he was standing by them under the tree as they ate.
Abraham was visited by the LORD Himself. Many say that the other two men were a part of the Trinity, while others say it was the LORD & 2 angels. Whatever the case, God came to Abraham. He comes, He cares, He is aware, He dines with us (Revelation 3:20) and He is involved in our hospitality to others.
The point of the gathering was to share a lesson on hospitality. If we treated everyone who came to our home as if they were sent by God, I think things might look a bit differently in our society. Hospitality is a hot button for me. I come from an Eastern culture that looks on Hospitality as a non-negotiable. It’s what you do – you prepare food for people and welcome them into your home. I wrote more about it here. Upon hearing about the tea party fellowship, one woman remarked that it must be easy for me, since I was taught by my mother to do that and she’s never had that in her family… my answer to that is so what? Why is that an excuse? If you have a home, you should open it to others. You don’t even have to cook – simply order food in, have a potluck, use your kitchen, gather together and rejoice!
As a new believer, I read Acts 2:46 which mentions that the newly formed Church met, broke bread together in their homes and ate with gladness. Why don’t we do that more often? My personal experience has been that for every TEN invitations I give, I am lucky to get ONE back. People don’t entertain, they don’t invite and they don’t meet in their homes. Now, we have had invitations to meet at restaurants… but rarely in homes.
My lesson for the girls was not just on how to drink tea from lovely cups… it went further than that. It was to cherish fellowship with one another. To eat and enjoy food together, giving praise to God the Father for ALL He has given you- including a Christian family.
May we remember to invite one another to our homes, may we share Christ in the breaking of bread together, may we pray for one another, may we grow up another generation of young believers who will open their homes and look more like the early church. Amen.
I’ve had the chance now to speak at several book clubs around the OKC area. Each time, I’m asked about the writing process and why I became an author. When I reply that “I didn’t set out to become an author,” another conversation begins.
The truth is that I didn’t want to write a book. I didn’t know the first thing about writing (even though I am a Business Professor and grade writing papers each week), I didn’t know how to start a book or how the entire process worked. What I did have, however, was a compelling story that the Lord gave me. I have been speaking about this journey He’s taken me on for the last decade and each time, I was asked if there was a book available or in progress and each time, I said “no.”
I was afraid of writing a book as it seemed like a daunting process. The real reason behind me saying no was that I didn’t want the “author” label… seemed too pretentious and that it would go to my head. As a Christian who is in the spotlight as a speaker and corporate trainer, I get used to being the center of attention. All of that is not good for the HUGE head I get, contributing even further to me being prideful. I have to get up in the morning and pray that the Lord helps me to point to Him and not hog all the accolades that come my way. In other words, it’s not about me.
A few years ago in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), I had the chance to share my testimony with a group of leaders in an informal setting. The Teaching Leader, Paula, told me that I needed to write because “there’s a book in there!” She was very excited about the unique way the Holy Spirit had led me to Christ and encouraged me to write it all down. When I confessed to her about my pride issue, she asked in a straightforward way if I had confessed it and had repented. I jokingly told her that I tend to do that several times a day. She again encouraged me to write and said “if it’s God’s will, then the book will write itself.” There was truth in that…
So, I began to pray for several months before I even started any part of the process (again, no clue what the process was). I asked for the Lord to give me guidance, direction and make it clear if it was His will. I also decided that I would pray every morning and simply ask “Lord, do I write today?”
Each morning, I would get up and ask. Some days, it was very clear that I needed to write. Other days, nothing. On some days, I would sit down at the computer and write 10-15 pages! On other days, nothing. I even had a long stretch of about 3-1/2 months where there was nothing. I was around the 6th chapter in the book by then and it caused me great panic after about 2 months. I began to second-guess if I was even supposed to be writing.
Looking back, I think that was a part of praying and waiting in obedience, for shortly after that drought, it was as if the dam had broken. The rest of the book simply tumbled out in quick succession of chapters. Before the year was over, I had a book completed! I knew that I needed a cover that would encompass the story. I now began to pray for help with the second part – design. Again, the Lord answered very quickly! I woke up one morning and had the picture of the cover in my head. I knew that there was supposed to be a Quran on the cover – maybe in the background, soft-focus and there should be a picture of me somewhere as well, in my Pakistani outfit. By the end of the SAME DAY, I had my cover picture. In fact, I had about 5 different versions of the cover.
I am not a designer. I am pretty low-tech when it comes to using computer software. I couldn’t have told you how to design a book cover, much less make it so you could upload it and have it look half-way decent. YET, GOD can!
You see, when I was studying Moses’s life in Exodus 31, I came across a passage where God calls certain people by name to come and work on His ark of the covenant. He gives them the ability and talent to do what He asked them to do. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He does not change. He gives us each talents and abilities to use them for His glory.
Think about the verse in Philippians 4:13 that says “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Do you truly believe that? Do you believe that Christ can help you in your circumstances, hard times, and even in times of doing things that are out of your comfort zone or talents? If you really believe that God can give you what you need, then please realize that it also means that He can also equip you for every good deed (Hebrews 13:21).
I was not an author, but I now have a book. I was not a designer, but the Lord gave me a clear vision of what the cover would look like and helped me to figure out how to do that within 24 hours. Maybe we should stop saying what we’re not and start looking at ourselves as God sees us – His children and His disciples.
I want to encourage you today to pray and pay attention to what the Lord might be asking you to do. Step out in that faith and watch what He does for your life!
Are you one for making resolutions for the new year? Then you reflect about half the population. Are you one for keeping them? Studies show that only about 8% of the people keep their resolutions. Why the staggering low amount of completion?
Turns out that self-help isn’t really all that helpful!
We make a resolution to exercise more and the first really cold day (again… January), we decide that it’s much better to be bundled up with a steaming cup of hot cocoa. We decide to spend less money, only to be confronted with after-Christmas sales. Yes, you guessed it – I’m talking about myself. It happened again today for lunch – here I was, making good choices about eating vegetables and saw that they had my favorite carb right by the veggies. Yup, my resolve crumbled right there just like that cookie facing me.
It’s not easy to do this alone.
The world tells you that “YOU can do it” and that “It’s all about YOU.” It tells you that only if you were more focused, you could achieve every goal. For some of you out there who are disciplined, you can do it… but again, we are talking about the 8%. The rest of us 92% fall miserably short of our goals.
There are goal-setting tools that can help you achieve a few more of those goals and the self-help section in the bookstore is always the largest. But what if I told you that you weren’t meant to do it alone? What if I told you that if you were to have someone alongside of you, that the resolutions and goals would have a better percentage?
It’s called ACCOUNTABILITY.
We need that at work, for our diets, for exercise and most of all, for our Christian walk. We were meant to work together with others who will help us, encourage us (take a look at 1 Thes 5:11) and also cry with us when we mess up. It’s wonderful to have someone to share things with. The statistics back up my claim. The Association for Training & Development did a study where they found that sharing the goal with even one person increased the odds of goal completion by 95%!
So this year, don’t do things by yourself. Enlist the help of others. It will keep you accountable and humble!
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. ~ Proverbs 27:17
This morning, our family was listening to a singer named Paul Wilbur who is a Messianic Jew. He was singing “Behold He Comes.” This song encompasses all that I believe in as a Christian. Behold He comes, riding on the clouds, shining like the sun at the trumpet’s call. So lift your voice, it’s the year of Jubilee and out of Zion’s hills salvation comes. He adds at the end of the song, a repeated refrain: Who Was and Who Is and Who Is to Come.
As a Muslim, I had heard about the baby who was born in a manger. I had no clue who he was – other than the Prophet Isa. No big deal… Many prophets were born under varying circumstances, I was sure. I don’t even believe I gave the matter that much thought at all. Christmas was a lot more about Santa than Jesus. After a while, my family even deferred to the world’s traditions and got a Christmas tree. Again, no big deal. That had nothing to do with Jesus. No big compromise there. We even began to exchange gifts – that was more sporadic because it had no religious significance.
It wasn’t until I became a Christian that I began to understand who that person was whose birth as heralded by angels. Who was called the Prince of Peace. Who was called Emmanuel – God with us. The birth of a Savior was a lot bigger than the birth of just a prophet. Isa is not just another prophet. He is Isa Masih — Jesus the Messiah. He is Savior of the world. Yes, He is (present tense) for He lives. He has defeated death by the power of the Resurrection. He brings us eternal life and He saves us from the judgment and impending wrath of God the Father Almighty.
He has done this… He lives, and He is coming back.
Christmas is just a small part of the story. The biggest part of the Good News of the Gospel comes at Easter. If you are not familiar with either, let me know. I live to share what Christ Jesus has done for me. To bring me peace with God, to save me from the grave, to give me life everlasting. Amen.